I was dreamin' when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray
But when I woke up this mornin', could've sworn it was judgment day
The sky was all purple, there were people runnin' everywhere
Tryin' to run from the destruction, you know I didn't even care
- Prince lyrics for 1999
God, I still miss Prince. He was so clearly from some other more fabulous place and he died just like normal humans do. In back luck and with no fanfare. I gather he died alone in an elevator. And if this isn't bad enough, I've thought about this many times: Did the door open and close all night?
Why should any of us get over this?
So, if you would've told me this morning that today Jude would get a mysterious PRESENT from a person whose name I don't even know to APOLOGIZE for harm inflicted upon him....like a settlement in a court of law....
First, let me introduce you to Exhibit A: The 3 year old teeth-sized bruise on his arm.
Guess who bought Jude a present? The grandmother of the kid that bit him. As if it weren't already abundantly clear that that only thing I'd like from her and every member of her family is to GOVERN THEIR EMOTIONS.
Is this not bizarre behavior?
The Dojo were uncharacteristically shocked when they were shown Jude's bruise, which should be noted had faded quite a bit over the course of the weekend. Miss M asked him, "Where did this happen?", like a good, hardened cop might. Kudos to you, Miss M, if we were actually going to go out on patrol and find the culprit! Jude had already gave up the kid's name. Really, all they had to do was wait for him to arrive and slap the cuffs on. So there followed a lot of blablabla with some self-explanatory blablablabla and some mild and could-be-missed threats related to blabla and blabla.
The idea is like a sandwich. We keep being told that it's normal behavior while also being told that it's UNACCEPTABLE. After this blows over, we are told that Jude (his ID says he's still 3 years old, btw) needs to develop more social awareness, that he needs to be more SAVVY.
So, we're to conclude that it's mature and cagey to bite the nearest arm?
Also, do kids that bite this hard grow up to be sociopaths? Because I'm just going to assume that so that Jude's Dojo Years are a fine investment in a future where he lives without bothering with any asshats of any age or size.
Anyway, I will pick the present up when I get Jude this afternoon. I have no idea what the present contains only that if there is the smallest chance that it's a bottle of wine, I may be persuaded. More likely, it's:
- Box of bandaids
- Some toy that promotes violence (because, well, come on now)
- Anyone's guess
Off to read some McSweeney's in the meantime.